It’s These Wonderous Mornings

I’m a person that enjoys schedules and planning. In the everyday life, I mean. When I have to be at work at 7:30am, for example, there are a few regiments:

BUS

-6:00am: Awake and walk the dog early enough to afford proper “sniffing time” for Emma so that she can get everything out of her morning jaunt. It is this “sniffing” that takes up most of the time. The “pissing” and “shitting” is rather quick, unless I fell asleep without taking her out the night before. That, my friends, is a long pee. Other things to include in time alloted: barking/lunging, the master getting sidetracked by trash that isn’t really trash, looking at the clouds, and a yawning that waters my eyes so much so that I can’t see what she’s lunging at.

-6:30am: Return home and dispense fresh water and food for aforementioned “Emma.” She doesn’t drink dirty water, nor do I expect her to. And, to get a lil’ soft, I love the look on her face after I fill the food bowl with provisions; She was trained to wait until I say, “OK.” With an full bowl, those jutting globulars bring a smile to this face.

-6:35am: Figure out what shirt doesn’t “make me look fat.” Groom myself so as to not look “disheveled.” Apply cologne so as to not smell like a “transient.” These are all lies. This time is spent smoking and looking at the sun.

-6:39am: Walk to the bus stop and marvel at the goings-on of others. Hmmmm, that guy walks his dog for only a half block, turns around, and returns home. Why does she have an umbrella? Huh, people really read the RedEye.

-6:40am: Try and figure out why my Chicago Card never works. The bus driver says, “You’re gonna have to touch your card again.” “These fucking things…I mean I have it loaded and connected to my checking account…why does it never work?” “Just touch it again.”

-6:41am – 7:06am: Ride the bus and listen to either a)my latest obsession, most recently the Walkmen’s new album, or b)something I have to review. I am looking at the sun during this time, too.

-7:06am: Arrive at Jackson and Michigan. Get off and promptly light the Last Cigarette Before Work. This is capitalized due to the importance of the event. My last breath, though lethal, of freedom.

-7:30am – 3:30pm: Suck my dick.

BIKE

-6:00am: Awake and walk the dog early enough to afford proper “sniffing time” for Emma so that she can get everything out of her morning jaunt. It is this “sniffing” that takes up most of the time. The “pissing” and “shitting” is rather quick, unless I fell asleep without taking her out the night before. That, my friends, is a long pee. Other things to include in time alloted: barking/lunging, the master getting sidetracked by trash that isn’t really trash, looking at the clouds, and yawning that waters my eyes so much so that I can’t see what she’s lunging at.

-6:30am: Return home and dispense fresh water and food for aforementioned “Emma.” She doesn’t drink dirty water, nor do I expect her to. And, to get a lil’ soft, I love the look on her face after I fill the food bowl with provisions; She was trained to wait until I say, “OK.” With an full bowl, those jutting globulars bring a smile to this face.

-6:35am: Don my recommended cycling gear (work clothes but with pants rolled up five cuffs and a change of shirt in bag [I sweat a lot], helmet, gloves, and, well, that’s it) and feel the pressure on my tires. If the gut says fill up, fill up. I then watch Emma as she retreats in abject horror at the click-click of the freewheel (she is terrified of the bicycle) and exit the apartment, her wondering eyes asking, “Where is it that you go all the time?”

-6:37am: Begin the trek by jutting into traffic and yawning, an experience that is naturally awakening. You will never feel so alive as when a driver yells at you, “Watch it!” “I can’t! I’m motherfucking yawning!”

-6:38am – 7:00am: Ride as fast and as dangerous as I know how to while yelling, “What the fuck was that,” “What are you doing,” and, “Jesus Christ, really,” into open driver’s side windows.

-7:00am – 7:30am: Drink water, espresso, and coffee outside my shop while watching women in work outfits wearing sneakers while thinking, “Do they still think that they’re breaking some sort of social faux pas by being a working woman?” It’s just the drive and determination that pisses me off. No, actually, it’s the Asics with the skirt. This trend happened in, like, 1992. Get over it. Stop feeling empowered because you are a female with a shitty office job.

-7:30am – 3:30pm: Suck my dick.

Social life is completely different in that, huh…yeah.

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Comments
One Response to “It’s These Wonderous Mornings”
  1. Apple says:

    “-7:30am – 3:30pm: Suck my dick.”

    Me too, only 8-5!

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