I’ve Listened to These Recently…

…while pacing and questioning that three-pack deal from the corner store.

Artist: Black Tusk
Album: Passage Through Purgatory
Format: LP

Metal from the southland of the USA has its own agenda, its own brutality. What it is, I’m not sure, but goddamn it is scary as the dickens. Black Tusk hail from Savannah, GA, and proudly display the pentagram on the bass drum, but I doubt that they worship anything that doesn’t start with “Pabst” or “Dank”. The fury is evident when the needle hits the groove and you are mesmerized by “Witch’s Spell,” and all of the chest-beating and belting that goes with it. This is the filthy child on the street unspoken for. A hail of the horns not to the Northern Wind but to the Southern Still Humid Air. This is a hot rod mowing you down if you so much as bathe more than once a week. The only problem…it’s too damn short. I’m still listening, hellions.

Artist: Metallica
Album: Ride the Lightning (45rpm Reissue)
Format: LP

Uh, it’s the good Metallica. Duh.

Even thinking about how much Lars Ulrich is a douche now…you can’t deny what he WAS.

Artist: Diamond Nights
Album: Popsicle
Format: LP

“Music to screw to.”

“Music to love your old lady by.”

Yeah, yeah. But what about, “Music to get pregnant to.”?

Here it is in all of it’s roller skating rink glory. Why is it that ugly musicians seem to know so much about sex and fucking? My theory: Being ugly, they’ve fantasized about it their entire lives…but now that they’re rockers they get it aplenty. Now, they’re addicted and all of the music surrounds it in a sweaty, stinky, “I promise” hug that no one could shake free of. With a lickety-split they have the listener sitting with a boner wondering why they are sitting and listening to it instead of hiring the cheapest whore they can find to do the things that this record makes them think of. Truly no-holds-barred bitch-metal. Fuck, yes.

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