I’ve Been Tagged Like a Chicago Train

April tagged me…so as to not let her down…

1. I can’t believe I’ve never… been to a strip club. There were some close calls…like when we found out that a girl from high school with whom everyone thought was gorgeous was dancing at Night Moves, the strip joint in Bloomington, Indiana. I couldn’t build up the courage…not from a fear of nudity but more a fear that she would be terribly disappointing.

I plan on resolving this plan in the most absurd way: traveling to Bangkok, Thailand, to visit my long time friend BeardSex and partaking in the “scene” in Thailand. If you’re gonna break your strip club cherry, why not go full out and involve underage girls with ping pong balls?

2. Every time I think about…I still cringe. The 36 staples I received after emergency reconstructive surgery on my elbow. I would have to do these exercises so my ligaments/tendons/muscles wouldn’t “lock up.” In doing so, this mucous-y shit would come out, mix with the metal, and form dried, green crusties all up and down my arm. My rehabilitationist (is that a real job or a made up word?) would pull out the tweezers and go to town picking off all the little pain boogers. I was never so happy to get 36 pieces of metal ripped out of my arm.

3. I wish I’d…when I had the chance. Talked to Tom Waits when I saw him at the SFMOMA. He was with his wife and son (who followed behind huffing and sighing and wearing sweatpants) so I used my better judgement and left the man alone. That’s not to say I didn’t wait in the lobby for him to reappear…whereas I had a list of things to say to him if given the opportunity. Life, being the way it is, said, “No.”

4. I’ve never felt so out of place as when I… wandered into a leather bar looking for an event that was blocks away. Easiest free drink I ever received, though!

5. …is/are my guiltiest pleasure. Pleasure is not a guilty thing…but finding pleasure in Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” is.

6. I hope…knows how grateful I am for… I hope the European metal scene knows how grateful I am for their mix of pure evil, quote-worthy interviews, and gorgeous corpsepaint.

7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame…for my dysfunction. I blame no one for my dysfunction. I don’t feel as if I have one. I do blame the church for instilling a sense of unneeded guilt, but that is the thread that runs through most people and, in the end, will destroy society.

8. …changed my life forever. Death metal.

I’m tagging Rebecca, iTod, and Jenny.

2 Responses to “I’ve Been Tagged Like a Chicago Train”
  1. slurredpress says:

    I’m so glad someone else likes that song. Although I do have to admit I experience vivid hymen breaking imagery throughout it.

  2. hipsterpit says:

    Thanks for that, April. REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

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