A Morning Spent…

…enjoying my favorite music and revisiting some old ones that just don’t hold up.*, **, ***

Pussytoot

Pussytoot, aka DJ ColdFact, began in the London club scene in the 80s. His infectious mixes got the attention of local promoter Dom Notz and in no time ColdFact began sharing the stage with other founding fathers of the genre known as Creep House. Although the sound had yet to evolve into present-day Creep House, one can hear the beginnings of something truly unique.

After years on the road, ColdFact became disillusioned with his newfound fame and decided to forever drop his well-known moniker and emerge again as Pussytoot, a British slang for queef.

Staying out of the limelight, Pussytoot still produces album upon album at a rather unusual pace, sometimes 3-4 a year. While each one is a singular work unto itself, his notable releases have changed the world as we know it.

Train Delay b/w Priority Seating 7″

This 7″, released on the short-lived PianistPenis imprint, was the world’s first taste of the new, yet seasoned, pussytoot. Regarding the controversial pornographic cover, pussytoot merely retorted, “Ay, they’s doin’ it onda train…’at’s mor’ pooblic dan me pootin’ et on dee singhoul covah.”

While the controversial cover pushed sales somewhat, his new moniker hadn’t made the rounds yet and only a minority of his longtime fans bought it. Manufacturing of the record halted at 500 copies and has never been considered for further production.

Titler LP

Proving that he could push the boundaries further and get people to like pussytoot as much as ColdFact, Titler was released in 1993 on his own label, Durty Laundry, and garnered the controversy he was aiming for. Unfortunately sales remained steady, moving only 1243 units since it’s debut. The remaining 5757 shrink-wrapped, dusty CDs and 3000 forgotten LPs sit, stacked on pallets in a warehouse outside of Nottingham, England.

Hear Me Now LP

Pussytoot’s second album was both a cry for help and the birth of what is now 2nd wave Creep House (released again on Durty Laundry, now and forevermore). Songs such as “Groceries” and “Pushover Rover” stood out, not only for the inherent fresh soundscapes, but also the deep, dark beats he would be forevermore known for.

Radio stations responded as did John Peel, who invited them on shortly after Hear Me Now was released in April, 1995. Sales slowly grew to cover the cost and remain steady to this day.

Half Pint 7″

Originally produced as a “thank you” handout at shows, this single gained such popularity that a reprint was ordered and sales began to climb through the roof. An exasperated pussytoot stated, “Ya know, ‘s about toyme. M’ ass is worked ouff, ‘a know? Shit.”

Amputeen 7″

Quickly recuperating from his newfound-then-lost-then-newfound fame, pussytoot released this “one take” 14 minute song. Even though the interruption of the song being split onto two sides is a bother, the scope and execution show an artist both at home in his experimental nature and comfort of surroundings.

Pussytoot begins to forgo touring and instead remains in the studio up to ten hours a day, seven days a week. “Ees fun.”

In Cutero LP

1996 was a good year for pussytoot. The anticipation of his next full length coupled with his scandalous affair with then underaged Chelsea Clinton pushed his fame into a new echelon. His focus remained on his music, pussyfoot stated, and the, “…broight flashes o’ de camra oanly blind me an’ make me ea-ahs stroanga.”

This would prove to be true over the next many years.

Aphex who?

And the answer is, “Yes.” Pussytoot has holed himself up and will never return. (1/20/11. No sign yet.)

Orgasm Donor 7″

Recorded on the road, even though it was merely a short trip to pick up his dog from the vet, this single instantly rocked the dance floors and his fame was solidified. Critics and fans agreed, “…this is the new music. This is the new generation.”

Upon seeing this during a broadcast of Mtv news, an American soda company CEO copywrote the term, “New Generation”. Both pussytoot and the soft drink company benefited. Somehow.

Pussytoot Holiday Series

Holiday Series #1: Hallow’s Eve 7″/CDS

Attempting to capture the elusive middle class, pussytoot begins to release holiday singles concurrent with said holiday. Though intentions were good, the beginning was less than ideal. A mere 5358 records sold. Pussytoot vowed never to recognize another holiday.

Holiday Series #2: Beaster Bunny 7″

Always a man not of his word, pussytoot released this homage to the American holiday Easter a mere months later. His original intent of ‘drawing in the middle class’ forgotten, pussytoot focuses on his fanbase: fake-intellectual kids that like creepy stuff and electronic music and drugs.

Sales again skyrocketed. “Ay, Ah no what Ah’m doin.”

Holiday Series #3: Silent Fright 7″

Next target: Christmas. Supposedly autobiographical, Silent Fright tells the story of a young child scared awake by a thump on Christmas Eve. Needless to say by the end of the debaucle the police, Navy, and Secret Service were involved. “Da yooung me was very inventive…’un vary deestructive. Haha. Constables always scrappin’ ’round me flat.” Asked whether or not that statement had to do with present day pussytoot or past, he simply responded, “Ay, vicious cycle, eh?”

Holiday Series #4: …And the Stockings Were Hung 7″/CDS

Pussytoot fans never had such a great Christmas as when this came out in 1998. The naked winter anthem, “…And the Stockings Were Hung”, rocketed to both the college and mainstream charts. The middle class he at once accepted and then, shortly thereafter, abandoned came in hordes for this now popular pussytoot.

Holiday Series #5: Monster Mash b/w My One and Onry 7″/CDS

Riding high on success, pussytoot could only go up. As the popularity of this is well-known there is no need to get into the specifics.

Holiday Series #6: Antelope Elopes & Saint Valentine EP

“Ees is me gone away.” Pussytoot said goodbye to fame and fortune with this EP. Once again adorned with his own cover art, a welcome back from 6 years away, it was a perfect send off. Reflective, jaunting, and wanting more.

Leather Glacier

In the deep south of Indiana a hatred surges from the ground. A recipient for this madness has yet to be found but promise yourself this: just hope it isn’t you. Heltonville, Indiana’s Leather Glacier began in the late eighties and have kept on throughout the years by a regular dose of bar gigs and opening slots for touring has-beens hitting all the county fairs.

S/T Demo

Leather Glacier began their days and unfortunately remain there to this day. This s/t release saw the light of day in 1994 but was overshadowed by releases by bands such as Soundgarden and Nirvana, and the fact that only their friends and drinking buddies knew that they existed. Never one to be dissuaded, JJ Turnbuckle (vocals/guitar) plowed on and formed one of the greatest bar metal bands of all time.

On the Wing Now LP

Backed by money from bass player Rocket One, their first LP was released to a wide array of retailers. All but one, Sam Goody, sent back the unwanted boxes. With a bottomless bank account at their his disposal, head honcho, Mothflame (aka JJ Turnbuckle), set about making a name for himself and Leather Glacier.

S/T EP

To stir up interest, Mothflame went behind the rest of Leather Glacier’s back (the aforementioned Rocket One along with Rocket Two [lead guitar], Boom [drums], and Pocket [rhythm guitar]) to release this EP consisting of demo recordings of songs meant for the next LP. Initially angry, Leather Glacier drunkenly made up in Boom’s den and decided that whatever happened henceforth would be a group decision.

The Cost of Freedom LP

Rocket Two stumbled upon a bootlegged copy of The Cost… while visiting family in Ohio. Upon his return he mentioned it to Mothflame who then responded, “Oh, yeah…my dude said he could get it out to the surrounding states super quick.”

“But we haven’t mixed it yet.”

Mothflame chuckled. “No, man. WE didn’t. I did. It’s cool. Everyone’s gonna dig it. WE’RE HUGE, BRO!”

“What about all that, ‘…anything that happens will be a group decision?’”

“What are you talkin’ about, man?”

“In Boom’s den.”

“Boom has a den?”

Shortly thereafter Leather Glacier disbanded. Mothflame watched everyone walk away and knew, then, that if Leather Glacier were to continue it was up to him, and him only.

Cat Man Do EP

Mothflame hired the best musicians he could find. The financial backing momentarily vanished with the disbanding of the group but luckily, for Mothflame, Rocket One came back and apologized for his rash decision.

Mothflame accepted and tied Rocket One to a chair so as to never disobey him again. After all, he really had, “…nothing else.” Mothflame shared demos of the new songs and then waved to Rocket One in the kitchen while he waited until the new Leather Glacier showed up for the first practice.

Mothflame set up microphones, recorded, and, after hearing the results, recorded the Cat Man Do EP. Local sales picked up and already Mothflame was sitting on a heap of new material ready for the new band. They booked studio time that would begin in a month and a half.

There was just one problem. Rocket One.

He had been tied up in the kitchen for a long time. Maybe a few months? No one could remember. Sure, they fed him and took him to the bathroom, but, according to big dude Mothflame, “I can’t afford to have him spill secrets about Leather Glacier to the salivating public.”

“Ommmmay,” Rocket One said while handing over his bank account information. When he said he had nothing else, he really has nothing else. Sure, he’s tied to a chair, but at least he’s a part of something.

Maids in the Chamber LP

With Rocket One now in a mobile wheelchair, Leather Glacier hit the road on the heels of their successful Maids in the Chamber. The new lineup of Poundhound (drums), Sex String (guitar), and Killeton (keys, guitar) gave the region what it wanted: bar metal smart enough to keep you interested through pitcher after pitcher and antics to learn from.

Death’s Grip LP

The infusion of doom metal can be heard even in the depths of Southern Indiana. Leather Glacier answered with Death’s Grip, a doom masterpiece according to Pundhound’s brother, Tyler (“It gives me crazy dreams.”) and local music critic, John Fowley: “It’s heavy like Soundgarden but slow like a ballad. But a scary ballad. A bastard ballad. If that exists.”

For the local audience to get the ‘vibe’ of their new sound, Leather Glacier threw out autographed brass one hitters at a show at the Olde Town Tavern in Bedford, Indiana. Many patrons enjoyed the free drugs but those that didn’t complained of broken teeth, memory loss, and ‘not fitting in.’

The Mighty Winds LP

What was meant to be the swansong of Leather Glacier turned out to be a disappointment to everyone. Rocket One, now walking freely but still mentally chained to the group, hands over the last of his family’s money. Mothflame demanded that all members sobered up for the recording of the next, “Girls Girls Girls, but…Slower,” as he had planned to. Everyone was in agreeance, that is except for Mothflame himself who was asleep at the time that it actually came about thanks to his mother’s prescription for Morphine. It was cheap, man.

Nevertheless, as always, they trudged on.

Rocket One bounced on his heels in the corner as the band recorded take after take of songs such as, “Meat Beaver”, “Cock Chocolate”, and, “The Night the Sorcerer’s Reign Comes to an End”. Everyone, even the producer, was excited about both the progress and the sound until Mothflame was discovered dead outside the studio front door. The medical examiner blamed it on hypothermia though the boys knew that Mothflame, in his morphine stooper, didn’t knock to come back into the warmth because he heard the magic metal they were making without him.

Sexstring summed it up with, “He heard us rocking out the rock loud, obviously, and just couldn’t handle that we were good without him so he never knocked to come back in. I mean, I don’t blame him. We were playing it loud. I mean, it was noisy.”

Homey O-Pathick

Homey O-Pathick grew up in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. Raised by Amish parents, he was banned from hearing the secular things of the world until the age of 18, where he was free to venture wherever so as to weigh the ‘consequences’ of the secular life vs. the Amish life. Needless to say he chose the secular and these two albums, both released posthumous, tell the tale both of his exploits and the price it cost him.

Pathick-en-o-gin LP

“The first thing I heard outta the crib was Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince. Hard shut from Philly. Pretty underground. The album was ‘He’s the DJ, I’m the Rapper’ and it was obvious they had a dream, like me. To get outta the chains and butter and just make it. Thanks, Jazzy Jeff, wherever you are.”

It was obvious that Homey O-Pathick was naive but what rings true is his dedication to his love of creating. On the album cover he says, “It was a nice man I met in what I thought was Philly. It was actually Harrisburg. ‘No matter to me,’ I said. I didn’t have a place to stay so he paid for the hotel room, the only circumstance was that he had to stay as well. ‘Hotel rules,’ he said and I laughed.”

His taste of the secular world are well pronounced in such numbers as “Shit Eating Grin” and “White Butter”, but it was the breakout hit, “Where the Girls At?!” that rocketed him to stardom, albeit too quickly.

“I found out where the girls were, indeed. Haha. Ew, keep your dresses on, you know? I’m still thug, though. Have you heard 50 cent? That’s a lot of money where I come from.”

Love & Hate LP

“Night of the Hunter is a movie? I thought it was a game. Mmmm, I don’t care.” Sporting a purple fur jacket and a Twitter account, Homey O-Pathick has delved into realms of the celebrity that the rest of us only read about. Asked about his new Grammy, he retorted, “My Mammy is dead to me. Free love.”

Plans? “I don’t have time to grow them.”

Fans? “Um, air conditioning. Hello.”

Gay? Straight? “Fucking Amish, get with it.”

SVELTEN

In the beginning there was one. In the end, also one. Providence, RI’s SVELTEN was a true force in the tape trading underground. His mixes of European Death/Black metal mashups were singular in the scene and they will be missed.

S/T Demo

Though no original music appeared on this demo, the melding of such drastic genres, black and death, were so unheard of that it truly took the scene by storm. Now the black metal fans were dancing in the clubs to versions of their favorite music never thought possible to move to.

“What was tha, you say?”

“Did you ever see yourself dancing to black metal?”

“This ain’t black metal, this is NWOBHMwave.”

A genre born from someone born across the sea. Yes, Europe embraced it. The US, nope.

In Cathode Tranquility LP

“I feel disillusioned with this European fame.”

SVELTER became reluctant to interviews with European magazines, sometimes only saying, “I’m not a DJ, I’M AN ARTIST!”

That didn’t stop clubs being sold out to fans wanting, “…such a new sound. A real mix bag of tricks and some really weirdo beats.”

“That’s two black metal bands being played simultaneously,” he responded minutes after his set, sweaty and looking for a way out. His demeanor remained calm but his eyes never rested. “I will not do this again.”

He was found behind Fabric two hours after this last interview. His hands were bound and his tongue cut out. Whether or not it was his wish is not known.

Miscellaneous

The Singles 1974-1982 LP

Turds of Mystery’s The Singles did for them what Minor Threat’s Discography did for the D.C. powerhouse: not much. On one hand you have Minor Threat, credited with creating the most annoying, and least dangerous movement in punk America, straight edge (lest you be caught in the thralls of those sober fists…yikes!), and the other, Turds of Misery. What are they credited with?

Cheet-o-Edge.

Didn’t hear about it?

Sorry for you.

They didn’t fuck, they didn’t smoke cigarettes, they drank beer with an ‘ew’ face, and they knew more questions about Yes than any garage band should.

But they were raw. Their covers of “Bus Stop” (The Hollies) and “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (Billy Joel) (legally called a cover because Joel is rich and, though they wrote it, for chrissakes they’re called the Turds of Misery) were both entrancing and missed by the thousands, even millions, that never saw them.

The bonus tracks are worth it alone. King Diamond’s “Arrival” and Brian Eno’s “The Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch” are well worth the listen so you can remember why you liked the originals.

Really, these guys are shit and will always be.

Breadth of Love’s Reach LP

Just because this band is from France everyone pukes on them. Yeah, it’s a boring cover and it is a terrible name for an LP. What hides underneath, though, is…everything you expected.

Here’s me being the dope again.

Another Man’s Wife 7″

One-off by this rapscallion Kildysart. Fantastic grooves in the mixing but could leave some room to breathe. Probably good things happening here. Neither party will call each other in the morning.

Howl at the Moon LP

The real birth of Grindcore. Fuck Napalm Death’s Scum. This is America…wait, hold on.

Scum is awesome. This record went nowhere for a reason.

Pajama Party 7″

Hanky and the Founding Fathers were a bar rock band in Roselle, IL, that went nowhere. They learned about a 7″, how much it cost, released one, and then stopped playing because they realized it was ‘too expensive to play rock ‘roll.’

Thigh Chair LP

The personification of “Genius Mack.”

Derek Bottoms was born in a low-income neighborhood in Indianapolis. He first heard rock music while covering “Blue Suede Shoes” in marching band and vowed to, “turn this world upside down,” with his interpretations of popular rock hits.

While his marching band renditions remained popular at the half time performance of his college’s foot ball games, the old-too-soon Bottoms disappeared. His flesh chair remains intact at the Museum of Modern Art in Topeka, Kansas.

*All original images grabbed from the interwebs. If you see something on here that is yours, contact me and I will take it down.

**The name Leather Glacier was authored by Clean Bobby who resides in Austin, Texas.

***None of the bands listed are actual. Any relation to actual bands is circumstance.

Comments
One Response to “A Morning Spent…”
  1. Sweeney says:

    Damn, man. You are as demented as I am.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: