Lack of deep sleep is begining to settle my mind and perceptions in a hazy world. Innocents beside me on the train make me cautious. Cigarettes aren’t tasting good. Food isn’t needed. Jokes escape me and my comments, serious comments, make people laugh.

The COO of my company was talking to me about shelving in my store. I needed more and more and he was doing his best to provide me with my storage needs. With sweetened condensed milk sticking my tie to my shirt, I said, “Oh, that 42″ shelf that I needed but didn’t have wood for, a man came…”

I look to the ground.

“Yeah?” He is waiting for the rest.

“Um. I don’t know if it really happened.”

“If what really happened.” He is a genuine man. Concern fills his eyes unlike when you tell a pastor that you have cancer but like when you tell him you’re switching churches.

“The shelf. Did I dream it?”

He laughs.

“I really don’t know, Bob. I’d never seen him before. I remember a man putting something in there. This morning? It could’ve been yesterday.”

“Well, lets see.”

Up the stairs…to the cabinet. There’s a shelf. Things have been arranged to accompany it. The organization has welcomed this piece of pressed wood into it’s world.

“Yeah, I guess he was here. Whew.”

“You need to schedule some time off.”

“I know. I just can’t. I…(sigh).”

Before he left for the day, he gave me a talking to about the need for restful sleep. “Do whatever it takes. At least your birthday. Take it off.”

“Birthdays aren’t important. I will, though.”

And I did. Half day of work that day. Next day…completely off.

Eyes like grandma’s drapes half-drawn to reduce the glare on Wheel of Fortune. Legs aching and enjoying sitting…I want to cut them off. Put them in cotton and retire them for a job well done. A race well run. Make Jello-O out of the marrow and bring a smile to a child or an OCD retard. Peace and quiet and freshly painted walls…clean socks…and a bottle of Saison DuPont.

“A bed, a book, and a box of raisins.” -John Updike